This is a fascinating excerpt on why couples stay together, happily married.

It is from a new book by Times’ Well blog writer, Tara Parker-Pope. The book is For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage.

This looks like a terrific book, one which examines all of the “everybody knows” assumptions about marriage, fidelity and happiness. How can one say that without reading the book? Because this writer always is a good read.

The New York Times

…”But it may not be feelings of love or loyalty that keep couples together. Instead, scientists speculate that your level of commitment may depend on how much a partner enhances your life and broadens your horizons — a concept that Arthur Aron, a psychologist and relationship researcher at Stony Brook University, calls “self-expansion.”

“To measure this quality, couples are asked a series of questions: How much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person? How much do you see your partner as a way to expand your own capabilities?

“The Stony Brook researchers conducted experiments using activities that stimulated self-expansion. Some couples were given mundane tasks, while others took part in a silly exercise in which they were tied together and asked to crawl on mats, pushing a foam cylinder with their heads. The study was rigged so the couples failed the time limit on the first two tries, but just barely made it on the third, resulting in much celebration.

“Couples were given relationship tests before and after the experiment. Those who had taken part in the challenging activity posted greater increases in love and relationship satisfaction than those who had not experienced victory together.”

Source: New York Times, May 10, 2010