My 15-year-old grand-daughter has a terrific group of friends—the opposite of the mean girls people worry about—and should.

Their bond is as strong as any I have ever seen among a group of girls, especially at a difficult age. They have a name, which is the first initial of each of their names and sounds more like Welsh (think Cynwyd-type words) than English. It works for them and, in a sense, is a stand for the equality among them. They put the letters together in an order they could say—no pecking order involved. A true democracy.

They text madly. They giggle. They send shots of something they saw at the mall which would be perfect for that friend.

I see no difference in their friendships and the strong ones I had then and now. However, a sample of seven really terrific teen-aged girls is not exactly big enough to be a study sample.

It never crossed my mind to wonder if their friendships were different because of their new technology communications. I can see what these girls mean to each other—a circle of friends who have been together for enough years that I am clear that this is not a temporary clique of this year’s “in” group.  I am sure about that. They do look out for each other.

As normal— a word which means too many things to too many people to be useful but it is what there is— as their friendships appear to me, there is the technology difference. These are the children who never have known life without smart phones.

These are the teenagers who, the Pew Research Center learned, send staggering amounts of text messages. One-third,  says the Pew study, send more than 100 text messages a day.

Only one-third talk to their friends on a daily basis.

Adults who are either city dwellers or living away from friends in less urban areas often are grateful for the ease with which they can stay in touch with friends. Therefore, the changes technology mean to friendship may be lost on us. For us, there was a before. A before when one still had plenty of face time with friends or phone time.

We got the benefits of new technology—or we did if we think it so. Others will have no parts of texting and smart phones, as is their privilege.

Today’s kids never have known way friendships used to be made.

Is the earlier way better because it was a human connection? It is no different if friendships are formed using technology?

There is no going back. The nature of friendships—how they come about—is one of life’s most important issues. They enrich our lives. The come when there is trouble. These may be the people we count on most. Some people whose family relationships do not work well form a family of friends instead.

The New York Times

“Last week, the Pew Research Center found that half of American teenagers — defined in the study as ages 12 through 17 — send 50 or more text messages a day and that one third send more than 100 a day. Two thirds of the texters surveyed by the center’s Internet and American Life Project said they were more likely to use their cellphones to text friends than to call them. Fifty-four percent said they text their friends once a day, but only 33 percent said they talk to their friends face-to-face on a daily basis. The findings came just a few months after the Kaiser Family Foundation reported that Americans between the ages of 8 and 18 spend on average 7 1/2 hours a day using some sort of electronic device, from smart phones to MP3 players to computers — a number that startled many adults, even those who keep their BlackBerrys within arm’s reach during most waking hours.

“To date, much of the concern over all this use of technology has been focused on the implications for kids’ intellectual development. Worry about the social repercussions has centered on the darker side of online interactions, like cyber-bullying or texting sexually explicit messages. But psychologists and other experts are starting to take a look at a less-sensational but potentially more profound phenomenon: whether technology may be changing the very nature of kids’ friendships.” (Emphasis added)

….”The question on researchers’ minds is whether all that texting, instant messaging and online social networking allows children to become more connected and supportive of their friends — or whether the quality of their interactions is being diminished without the intimacy and emotional give and take of regular, extended face-to-face time.”  (Emphasis added)

Source: New York Times, April 30, 2010