Commentary

As adults look around for holiday ideas, it is not hard to shop for a lot of little girls.

Princess power!

Princess-anything is big. It always has been big but somehow it is bigger than ever.

A friend was in Georgetown on Halloween. As she was leaving a friend’s house, a trick-or-treater came with her father.

“Oh! You are a beautiful princess!” my friend said.

“No,” said her father, with a hint of haughtiness. “She’s a queen. She has figured out that’s where the power is.”

The mini-princess, age five, had said no such thing.

My friend is nothing if not a mischief-maker.

She bent down and said to the little girl, “Your daddy is right about where the power is. I do have to tell you the truth, though. The queen dresses are not nearly as good. Boring, actually.”

The father was offended. “What kind of message is that to give a child?” he demanded.

“It’s her life. She gets to choose, don’t you think, what’s matters to her? Maybe she is not so into power.”

My friend, Brigette, happily told me, “I am pretty sure I ruined the father’s Halloween. He thought it was all about him.”

The princess fixation puzzles me. The number of actual job vacancies for princess positions is about as small as possible—and few thrive in the job if they get it.

You do not hear little boys clamoring for prince costumes or begging to play the prince in the school play, now do you? They know they would have to slay a dragon when they are only three feet tall. Bad odds. No glory.

One job, however, is readily available to all adults—and may be another version of princess power.

Be a fairy godmother or godfather. (We believe in equal opportunity here.) No money required.

I am one. I speak from vast experience. It is the one of the best jobs ever.

You can be magical in any way you choose as long as the child feels special. Look. Listen. Soon you will spot something that lights that child up when other adults are busy doing adult-type things. Cooking. Earning a living.

Let them read to you if they are proud of their reading skills. You read to them if they are just starting.

Kids at two,  says a friend who is a child psychologist, say, “Again!” at the end of a story because they need the reassurance of predictable outcomes. “Again!” (I thought this was  just to avoid turning out the lights. Wrong.)

Let them tell you about their classmate who was mean to someone else in the class. All of the she-said and then…If they are telling you about these moments, they are still figuring this out or they want confirmation of the right thing to do in these situations. The last thing they need is for you to supply the right answer. You are not always going to be there and neither are their parents.

Ask them questions.

“What did the teacher do?” A strategic question to get the lay of the land. Is the teacher a bear about these things or one who thinks they have to work it out?

“What did you do?” “Did that make you feel better?” “How is your friend doing?” “How is the mean kid doing?” “Is this kid mean a lot…or just today?” “If someone did that to you, what would you do?”

These are amazing conversations to have with someone just old enough to be working on making sense out of a world which often does not make a lot of sense.

My special nine-year-old neighbor came over to tell me about the day’s drama a few weeks ago. Hearing it as it occurred for her, it struck me she was, just as adults do, figuring out what she thought because she had a listener. She got to the right answer by herself, with the help of a few…”and then what happened?” questions. And cookies.

Fairy godparents are also very big on parks and outside activity involving branches, sticks, rocks, pebbles and other natural discoveries.

As you can see, the only thing fairy godparents need to invest is time and attention in a child who interests them .

These young ones give us a fresh look at the questions which never go away…the ones about right and wrong, fairness. The individual’s view of people in general takes shape early.

These kids have big things on their minds. Is the world safe most of the time, but not all? How do know when it is not? You tell me the answer to that one, honey, and you can have cookies for the rest of your life.

The princess business is the last thing on their minds, so maybe the princess thing is just for the dresses after all.

So, if you are stuck about what to give a child you care about, you’re set.

Just give them your total attention. Ask questions.  Listen some more. Go outside and meander.

They will think you are a fairy godparent because you are helping them deal with their dilemmas by showing them they can find their own answers without a wand being involved. (I would love one but none are in stock when I look.)

Isn’t that what the job is? To help them figure out what their happily-on-we- go answers are?

Happy Holidays.